Sweet Home Alabama

She ran one hand through her hair and pulled it all to one side, angled her head to keep it in that position, then lifted a burning match to the cigarette already waiting in between her lips. The flame lit up her face and made her eyelashes dance in the shadows beneath her brow. She inhaled deeply, rested her arms on the bar, watched the smoke drift into the room before her as she breathed out, then turned to look at her companion.

“If you could change one thing about me, what would it be?” she asked him.

He sighed, leaned back in his chair, gave her a half smile before reaching his hand toward hers. “The fact that you smoke,” he said as he calmly took the cigarette from her fingers and crushed it out in the ashtray in front of her.

Her eyes widened slightly. “You know I’m just going to light another one in thirty seconds.”

“I’ll put that one out, too.”

She shifted position, leaned forward to place a light kiss on his lips.

“That’s a first,” he said.

“What’s that?”

“We’re in public.”

“I didn’t see anyone I knew,” she whispered as she looked around conspiratorially.

“When are you going to admit that we’re together?”

“When we are.”

“We sleep together,” he told her.

“Mm-hm.”

“So?” he asked.

“So…we’re just not.”

She smiled at him. He didn’t smile back. The jukebox kicked in, making conversation more difficult. As they both sipped at the drinks in front of them, she slowly pulled out her pack of cigarettes. “Sweet Home Alabama” began to play as she lit a second cigarette.

“Last month,” she began. “When you went with Drew to visit his cousin in Alabama? I must have heard this song about three times that week. It was kind of strange.”

His arm paused from taking the drink that was halfway to his mouth. “Did I ever mention the fact that Drew’s cousin is female?” he asked.

She shook her head. “So?” she asked.

“So, that’s why he brought me with him.”

Her eyebrows arched slightly. “Long drive?”

“Because she was female,” he corrected.

“What are you trying to tell me?”

There was silence for thirty seconds. She put the cigarette out and raised her eyebrows. “Are you trying to tell me you slept with her?”

“I’m not trying to tell you anything,” he said.

“How could you do something like that?”

He looked her straight in the eye, took her pack of cigarettes, lit one, and handed it to her.

“Because we’re not together.”

Published in The Iconoclast June 1999

Wish I'd Said It First: Taylor Swift

Taylor Swift's latest album "Fearless" is really striking a chord with me. I have been losing my taste for country music lately, leaning toward the sultry voices of Jakob Dylan, Jack Johnson, Jason Mraz and John Mayer. But Taylor Swift has sucked me back in to the world of country - if only for her.

Almost every song on "Fearless" has conjured memories for me of being 15, in love, and both on top of the world and as low as I could get.

Young love is an amazing thing, and one that I think too many adults forget about. It's easy to dismiss. Kids "don't know what love is." At 30, I've come to think that kids might be the only ones who know what love is.

I had more than my fair share of young love, because I had one young love, and he had an amazing impact on my life. "Fearless" has brought him into my mind as fiercely as if I were fifteen again. I commend Taylor for being able to evoke those feelings, not only with her words, but with her sweet, sexy and sultry voice.

White Horse
I'm not a princess, this ain't a fairy tale
I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet,
Lead her up the stairwell
This ain't Hollywood, this is a small town,
I was a dreamer before you went and let me down
Now it's too late for you
And your white horse, to come around

This is exactly how I felt when I realized that it was over. Really and truly over. Prince Charming's not coming, the fairy tale never was.

Fifteen

Cause When You're Fifteen And Somebody Tells You They Love You
You're Gonna Believe Them
And When You're Fifteen
Feeling Like There Nothing To Figure Out
Well Count To Ten; Take It In
This Is Life Before Who You're Gonna Be



You Belong With Me
You're on the phone with your girlfriend
She's upset
She's going off about that something you said
'Cuz she doesn't get your humor like I do...
I'm in the room
It's a typical Tuesday night
I'm listening to the kind of music she doesn't like
And she'll never know your story like I do'

But she wears short skirts
I wear T-shirts
She's cheer Captain
And I'm on the bleachers
Dreaming about the day when you wake up
And find what you're looking for has been here the whole time

If you could see that I'm the one who understands you
Been here all along so why can't you see, you
You belong with me

This one actually makes me think of my first love's best friend - a girl. I can see her having these thoughts about him, and about me. She and I were complete opposites, and sometimes she did seem to have more in common with him than I did. Also, ironically, I was a cheerleader. But no one ever seemed to grasp the almost unbreakable bond that he and I had.

Breathe
I see your face in my mind as I drive away,
Cause none of us thought it was gonna end that way.
People are people,
And sometimes we change our minds.
But it’s killing me to see you go after all this time.

Music starts playin’ like the end of a sad movie,
It’s the kinda ending you don’t really wanna see.
Cause it’s tragedy and it’ll only bring you down,
Now I don’t know what to be without you around.

And we know it’s never simple,
Never easy.
Never a clean break, no one here to save me.
You’re the only thing I know like the back of my hand,
And I can’t,
Breathe,
Without you,
But I have to

This is how I felt once I had gotten over the fact that it was over. He was the only thing I had known for seven years - what the hell was I supposed to do now? I took me a long time to figure out who I was without him. Thank God I finally did.



The Way I Loved You

He is sensible and so incredible
and all my single friends are jealous.
He says everything I need to hear
and its like I couldn't ask for anything better.
He opens up my door and
I get into his car and he says
you look beautiful tonight.
And I feel perfectly fine.

But I miss screamin’ and fightin’ and kissin’ in the rain
and it’s 2am and I’m cursin’ your name.
You’re so in love that you act insane
and that’s the way I loved you.
And breakin’ out and comin’ undone
it’s a roller coaster kinda rush.
And I never knew I could feel that much.
And that’s the way I loved you.

So true. After you get off the roller coaster, and you find a nice guy, you don't know what to do without the drama. Because the drama meant passion, and you're afraid you'll never see that kind of passion again.

Wish I'd Said It First: Dr. Seuss

"You should be grateful, a whole heaping lot, for the people and places your're lucky you're not." - Dr. Suess, The Lorax